01 - The Shitting Monkey Man Story I was sitting next to this man yesterday and i asked him "what did you do in the falklands war?" and he said "War, War, Ooh Ooh Ooh" and started shitting on the table like a big monkey and he wanked like a piggy, no it wasn't piggy it was a monkey 02 - The Seagull Screwing Story I was walking down the street and this man came up to me and hehad a big seagull and he said. "do you want to see something funny?". I said, "No, Not rearly" and then he started Screwing the segull and it went, argh! argh! argh! and i couldn't get away from him. Got in the lift and he was coming towards me screwing the seagull and the doors closed just in time. So i turned round and said "Hello Mister Man" and i heard argh! argh! argh!. he was screwing the seagull!!